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Hey guys its your favorite MILF, Dylan....Im only DOWNTOWN A FEW MORE DAYS so if you want to see me in the city before I head to NORTHBROOK! Don't miss your chance to devour some COOKIES & MILF! Happy reading boys ? #1~An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience. The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues, starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started: Ladies and Gentlemen." On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen." On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously. When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......." #2~ Sean goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The Priest says, "Is that you, Sean" "Yes, Father, it is I." "Who was the woman you were with" "I cannot tell you, for I do not wish to sully her reputation." The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley" "No, Father." "Was it Fiona MacDonald" "No, Father." "Was it Ann Brown" "No, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest says, "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Mary's." Sean goes back to his pew and his buddy Mike slides over and asks, "What happened" Sean replies, "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Mary's and three good leads." #3~ Early one morning in rural Ireland two leprechauns knocked on the door of a convent and asked for the Mother Superior. The Mother Superior comes out and the older of the two leprechauns asks, "Mother Superior, are there any wee little leprechaun nuns in this convent" Rather startled and bemused the Mother Superior says. "No, there aren't any wee little leprechaun nuns in this convent." "Well then," asks the older leprechaun, "are there any wee little leprechaun nuns at any convent in this county" Even more confused than bemused the Mother Superior says. "No, there aren't any wee little leprechaun nuns in any convent in this county." "Well let me ask you one more question then," says the older leprechaun, "Do you know of any wee little leprechaun nuns at any convent in any county in all of Ireland" Now confused and a little bewildered Mother Superior says. "No, I know of no wee little leprechaun nuns at any convent in any county in all of Ireland." The younger of the two leprechauns is now looking very downcast, staring at his shoes. Then the older leprechaun puts his hands on his hips and turns to the younger one and says, "There you go Sean, you heard her, I told you you was screwing a penguin!" ?#4~ A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves." So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door: 1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say "He was stoned off his ass." 10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T! 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry". 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God" 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's. ? The 1st MATE SAYS THE SHIPS GOING DOWN, SAVE YOURSELF! THE TEACHER ASKS WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN THE LAWYER COMMENTS FUCK THE CHILDREN! THE PRIEST ASKS DO YOU THINK WE'LL HAVE TIME ???
